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5. Ben's First Job

(Transcript by Alissa)

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5. Ben’s First Job 

 

(intro)

 

-It’s Sunday give me my allowance

-Going to the store Gonna buy some candy gonna buy some candy 

-I’ve done all my jobs I want my fuckin’ money 

-Give me that money

-Candy in my ass

-  …What?

(music)

 

-Welcome to my house Ben

-It’s a beautiful house

-Thank you

-Yeah I couldn’t find the bathroom earlier 

-Really?

-Too many doors too many corridors a maze…

-You got lost in a hallway?

-I got lost I had to phone the police, and say “Help! Twinkle star has trapped me in his starry house of dreams -Starry house of dreams

-yeah it’s a nice place your place is much nicer than mine -Well I think that’s because you have a dog

-Yes the dog destroys the house.  It becomes an animal house

-Well maybe more than that it’s because we had a much wider selection

-yes

-because in Japan, it’s kind of hard to find an apartment building that allows pets 

-Ah I see what you mean, yes and we had to pay extra an extra deposit for our dog

-Really?

-Yes so if he destroys the house then they keep the money

an extra dog deposit

-a doggy deposit

-I had to of course provide my hanko my Inkan

and my dog had to put his little doggy paw in some ink and sigh the contract 

-Right so in Japan rather than using a signature you have to use a stamp

-yeah stamp

-it’s called Hanko

-Feels good to stamp a contract

-Alright

-Yeah feels powerful

-I’ve never lived in an apartment building that allowed pets

-Oh really?

-yeah it’s hard I mean most buildings don’t allow pets

-That’s true yeah well there is a few dogs and cats in my building, one cat which comes to my balcony from another apartment

-Ah so you have a little visitor

-Yes and my dog hates the cat

-Oh really?

-But my dog is a pussy bitch

-Wow

-meaning he’s scared of cats he pretends to be strong but when he comes face to face with his enemy he doesn’t know what to do

-Oh really?

-yeah

-so he doesn’t attack cats

-He’s like where is that cat!   I’m gonna kill him!

-Oh shit!  a cat! 

-a cat!

-and the cats like what!? What!?

-so your dog is more afraid of cats than the cats are afraid of your dog

-much more and yeah the cat visits and the lady who owns the cat came to my apartment one night and she said, “can I come inside and check your balcony for my cat?” and we said okay, weird…  she came and she found the cat and then she came back with some home made chocolate pudding to say thank you

-Oh how nice

-but the pudding was not good

-okay

-horrible

-I hope you didn’t tell her that

-No we ate it. It was a nice idea she’s a nice lady

-You ate it and then you fell asleep very quickly and when you woke up your apartment was filled with cats

-Nooooooo!! the magic cat pudding!  It happened again!

-She spiked the pudding

-Hahaha

-She put some sleeping pills in the pudding

-Yeah

-Maybe some cat nip, the cat’s drug.  Marihuana for cats

a special plant which makes them sleepy and crazy and horny 

-Anyway I think we pay a very similar amount for rent

-yes I’m sure we do

-but because you have a dog

-yes

-You weren’t able to get a place quite as big as mine

-No we had very limited options and limited time 

-Right so you had to settle

-We had to settle

-had to find a place 

-Okay we’ll take it Fine okay

-you had to settle quickly

-I’m not happy but okay.  I’ll stamp your contract

-yes I see yeah

-so thank you for having me

-yes

-to the starlight mansion

-The Starlight mansion, home of the twinkle star

-yes and very kind of you to let a scorpion into your house

especially a cool black shiny scorpion like me with a big whipping tail 

-okay

-how’s that sound go again Abe … no bit more passion …There you go!  Now we’re talking scorpion!

-ok scorpion ok

-Scorpion

-so we talked about teaching English

-yes

-and when we started teaching.  We both continued to teach

-we both still do

-yep

-many many years

-yep I’ve been teaching online these days

-Yeah I’ve been doing a bit of that myself

-How do you find the online lessons?

-Ah I enjoy them a lot

-yeah it’s very convenient

-Yeah it’s very convenient you can do it right in your living room 

-Yeah and you

-That’s great

-you don’t have to wear pants

-well you...

-you should

-Actually you know I guess you’re right because I very seldom stand up during a online lesson

-yeah

-so I don’t think people often see my lower half

-your penis?

-No I do wear pants Ben

-Oh okay

-I don’t know about your online lessons

-I wear a plastic pants that are see through, so you can see my… all of me

-Is that a part of your service?

-Yes

-That’s for my own benefit

-Okay

-Scorpion’s secret

-Scorpion’s whipping tail

-Secret of the scorpion

-Tiny little whipping tail

-Yeah my tiny little thin stinger, my whipper

-I wanted to ask you about other work though

-sure let’s talk work

-I wanted to talk to you about our first jobs

-Ah interesting

-Well first real job 

-let me dig around here see if I... it’s over here somewhere

where is it?   My time machine ah there she is!  blow off the dust … start it up …

-Back in time 

-open the door, and I’ll punch in… let me think

I was 16 when I... no I was 15 years old when I started working 

-Was that a part time job?

-Yes my first real job.  before that, I would help my father with his business

-Right so what was your first job?

-It was working in a popular pancake restaurant in Australia

-Oh

-called ‘The Pancake Parlour’

-Yeah

-A pancake restaurant

-A pancake restaurant

-I love pancakes

-Really good, this place is awesome

-Oh wow

-I love it it’s all kinds of pancakes sweet and savory crapes

-wait wait … Savory pancakes?

-Yeah so you could get, for example…

-so savory means you know salty

-yeah

-not sweet

-not sweet so, For a Canadian when I think of pancakes

-right

-there is only sweet pancakes

-sure well

-Maple syrup baby

-yeah you would love this place, you can have your classic sweet pancakes.  you can have a triple stack or four or five

I think the maximum was an 8 stack

-Triple stack means three pancakes on top of each other

-that’s right

stacked on top

-a tower of pancakes with a big fat piece of vanilla … a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and every table has a big jug, a big jar of high quality maple syrup

-Is it Canadian?

-Canadian

-Okay

-and you can just cover it

-drench the pancake

-drench Unlimited maple syrups

-and the pancakes were

-soak them

-the best pancakes I’ve ever had easily

-wow

-sooo good butter milk recipe they use

-and oh that’s

-perfect every time

-that’s the same as my grandpa’s famous recipe

-right yeah they didn’t play, and strangely they had an Alice in wonderland theme

-so the theme of the restaurant was Alice in Wonderland?

-yeah somehow they must’ve paid money to get the rights to get permission

-so did you have to wear a little blue dress?

-No but the waitresses often would

-Oh really?

-yeah

-and sometimes the rabbit would come and they had a giant chest board with huge pieces you could play and the pancakes were called the menu items were called Alice’s dream and the mad hatters breakfast this kind of thing

-Oh wow

-it’s cool interesting

and what was your job there?

Dish washer sorry

-You didn’t even make the pancakes?

-No I loved the shop I needed money my parents said “Get a job” my mother and father would give me 10 dollars here and there to go to the movies with my friend

-Maybe an allowance

-Yeah not even an allowance just I would say I’m going out can I have 15dollars or how about 20 if my dad was drunk he’d give me more

-ask him when he’s drunk

-Check my check my wallet!

-wait until your dad gets drunk

-yeah

-and then ask for money

-That’s right if I was very very lucky I could get a pineapple

-what?

-which is the nickname for a 50 dollar note in Australia

-a 50 dollar bill is called the pineapple?

-pineapple coz it’s pineapple color green and yellow

-oh okay

-yeah get myself…  thats if my father was unconscious

-let’s just explain the word allowance

-Right well we use the word pocket money in Australia

-Okay

-yeah same thing

-it basically is the amount of money you give a kid once a week or once a month that’s an allowance

-Yes

-so you’re saying your didn’t have an allowance

-no it was just random money but I was expected to do things

-of course you had to do your housework

-yeah I had to help wash the truck or vacuum or not punch my brother

-not punch… and then you’d get an allowance but it wasn’t decided

-no it wasn’t decided

-Ah I see

-was yours? Did you have an allowance?

-Yes oh yes

-What was your weekly or monthly allowance?

-well it changed you know we started when we were very young

-okay

-because an allowance is a good way to teach kids about the value of money

-maybe that’s why I’m so bad with money

-yeah

-your parents didn’t teach you about money properly

-it goes back to generations in my family

-so you have to finish all your jobs and then on Sunday you get your allowance

-yeah

-Get that money get that money get that money

get that money give that money

-It’s Sunday give me my allowance

-I’m going to the store going to the store

gonna buy some candy gonna buy some candy

-I’ve done all my jobs

I- want my fuckin money

-Give me that money

-Candy in my ass

-What?

-no did you say

-Anyway

-Candy in my ass?

-yeah so I got excited

-Okay do you put candy in your ass when you get excited?

-well you know scientists have discovered that the ass is actually the second mouth of the human body

-No no Ben see

-the world of science Abe

-see our listeners don’t understand how much I have to edit because you always say these crazy things

-I’m just guessing 

-that are just confusing

-right well to clear up… 

-okay stop.  no!  no! stop!

-sorry

-back to your first job so you didn’t have

-back through time I was a dish-washer I needed money I didn’t have pocket money 

-You didn’t have a regular allowance so when you were 15 or 16 finally you just said okay I’m gonna go get a job 

-yes

-Awesome

-yes

-and after washing dishes for a while 

-two weeks

-two what??

-two weeks

-What!!?

-I lost my job after two weeks no I quit

-you quit

-I quit

-Why?

-Because it was so horrible

-but it sounds awesome

-the restaurant’s great!

-but being a dish washer in a popular restaurant

-Oh yeah

-Sucks giant Alice balls

-especially when you know it’s maple syrup all the plates

-oh my god and the size of the plates were huge

-oh wow

-These plates were big and heavy you would never find these plates in normal house 

-so they were huge plates

-Giant plates

-covered in maple syrup

-yeah and they would come in I was working like dinner time on Saturday night and the restaurant was right next to a Cinema in a kind of entertainment building so it’s a very popular restaurant and I had a high powered blaster tap

-yeah a high-power like faucet kinda hand held water blaster

-When the plates come I gotta… That was fun for the first 5 minutes and then I had to load the plates into a industrial dish washing machine

-a huge dish washer

-Oh yeah and I pulled this giant metal box down and it would

-yeah

-blast them and out and all the time the chef and the kitchen staff are saying where’s my plates! we need more plates.  What’s that fuckin dish washer??  hey I said more plates!!

-Hey scorpion! hurry the fuck up

-and these plates when they came out of the dish washer

-they were really hot

-yes

-so I had to hold … one day I dropped like I would say 10 or 15 plates. disaster

-Oh god

-Oh yeah

so did they… did they break?

-oh they broke

-there was a like a nuclear disaster

-so just “smash”

-everywhere all over.  They are probably still picking up pieces

-but you quit after 2 weeks

-yes

-Did you tell them you were quitting ? or did you just stop coming?

-I quit over the phone

-You called them and you said I’m done

-I said I can’t do this anymore

-and what was their reaction?

-I think they just said “Fine good bye!”

-We’ll get a new dish washer

-Bring your uniform but I never took it back and somewhere I still have it

-you kept your little blue dress

-my pancake parade dress

-you got your little sexy

-If I’m feeling sexy I put it on a night and I’m a little Alice under star light … 

-in wonderland

-in wonderland

-Wow alright

-I’m bigger now. shit job don’t do dishwashing. It’s sucks in a big restaurant it’s the worst pressure heat sweat

I washed dishes a little bit in Australia as well

-Oh okay

-yeah

-when I worked in a bar

-right

-yeah my first position was washing dishes

-Was it a really busy bar was it how do you remember the job?  Do you have good memories or…?

-yeah

-right

-I remember having fun because the people I was working with, one of them was my best friend

-right well

-from Canada

-Perfect

-and the other one was a guy who I became very good friend with.  and there was some Irish chef

-Hey Abraham take your time with the dishes

-he had many funny expressions

-Right

-Time to pack it in boys!  Now you see it now you don’t

-nice

-yeah which meant it’s time to close restaurant

-yes

-let’s quickly get everything cleaned up

-yeah

-and then enjoy

-Have a beer

-have a beer

-yeah we’d get free beer from the bar

-time for a beer

-yes

-Did you ever get free pancakes?

-No

-What!?

-I had no time to do anything

-at the end of your shift

-Ah yeah at the end of my shift I had no appetite I just wanted to get out of there 

-your whole body is just covered in sticky syrup

-oh yeah and actually I started smoking around that time 

-smoking cigarettes

-yeah

-coz it was so stressful?

-right I was just the timing high school as well so

I was … it was a very it was a bad job

-so you spent all the money that you made buying cigarettes

-yeah, some

-you weren’t good at saving money

-Oh no never have been … What was your first job? …except for child prostitute

-what?  child...?

-yeah I know about that

-child prostitute?

-yeah

-what do you mean?

-well a child who works as a prostitute

-I grew up in a upper middle class Canadian family

-yeah but sometimes you do a job not for the money

but because you just love the job

-what the fuck...

-No?

-no I was never a prostitute

-Oh I’m sorry I’m getting my Abes mixed up

-How many Abes do you know?

-I… one.  You’re the only one I admit

-There are very few Abes in the world

-Ah really?

-yeah it’s very difficult to find another person named Abraham 

-Yeah I guess in certain kind of countries you would find a lot

-Yeah but

-kind of biblical name

-it’s different though.  so in muslim countries there are many people named “Ibrahim” but it’s not really the same

-No

-the pronunciation is completely different

-yes

-in western countries there are very few people who have my name

-right 

-yeah

-it’s a very sailor’s name I think of a sailor on the sea.  Captain Abe!

-Really?

-yeah

-Oh cool

-yeah

-I always thought my name sounded very conservative, but you imagine of pirate

-yeah

and a child prostitute

-just an old salty dawg.  an old man of the sea

-Here comes captain Abe

-Oh the sea was wild that day!

-so when you hear Abe you imagine either a pilot or a child prostitute

-yeah or a boat

-What do you mean yeah?

-captain of a boat full of child prostitutes

-you say yes so easily … I just don’t know

-I don’t know... anyway first job

-well I think I’ll tell you about my first job next time

-Alright

-Because we should wrap it up I know you have some classes starting soon

-I do I have to go spread the good word of English

-Yes

-The international language

-it’s better than washing dishes isn’t it?

-much much better it in fact I’m kind of washing peoples brain dishes … scrubbing away their native language and replacing with a fresh clean language

-No, you could say scrubbing away their English mistakes

-Ah yeah that’s better

-That’s better than saying scrubbing away their native language, because first of all

-that’s how I teach forget your native language!  forget everything you know!  … I try to avoid using peoples native language during lessons

-right so being in japan you mean you try to avoid using Japanese when you’re teaching English

-If I have to I will but I like to avoid it

-yeah me too

-Especially for lower level students

-it’s best to keep everything in English as much as possible 

-yeah that’s right.  Natural listening

-yes

again and again then eventually it becomes second nature

-Absolutely, yeah practice makes perfect

-yeah

-you have to go outside of your comfort zone

-right and take the highway to the danger zone with scorpion

-okay alright Ben nice to see you

-you too twinkle star

-send us a message we have the contact information in the episode description 

-tell us about your first job

-yeah ask a question

-any question anytime

-and you might hear your question on a future episode

-if you get lucky if you wish upon a twinkling star

-I don’t think we don’t have many listeners yet so

it won’t be hard to get lucky

-no at the moment it’s just two of us listening to each other

-yes that’s right

-send me an e-mail Abe

-Good bye good bye

-Alright bye guys!  Toodaloo! 

 

 

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