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8. Immigration Office 

(Transcript by Alissa)

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8. Immigration Office

 

(intro)

 

-If I remember correctly

-yes?

-you were rejected the last time you applied for your permanent residency… 

-It’s funny to you?

 

(music)

 

-Hello Ben

-Hello Abe

-I’ve been waiting for you

-I know

-I like to keep you waiting

-why?

-because it makes my arrival

-makes the heart grow fonder?

-it makes the heart grow fonder, yeah

-Please don’t

-it’s like foreplay just waiting for me enter

-okay so foreplay is something that you do with your lover 

-right

-not with me

-not with you no

-so it’s not like foreplay

-well that’s why I said it’s “like” foreplay, it’s not actual foreplay

-it’s not like foreplay

-it’s kind of similar

-because we’re not…  foreplay is like the playing that you do before you… 

-have sex yeah right so

-why is it like foreplay?

-This is like conversation sex cuz it feels good

-no gross!!

-feels good

-stop it!

-it’s two people connecting

-no Ben

-not physically but… emotional level

-it’s not like foreplay

-right okay

-when you keep me waiting

-it’s like…

-If it is like foreplay it’s terrible foreplay

-what’s terrible foreplay?

-foreplay that doesn’t make your partner excited or aroused… I would say is bad foreplay

-you know what?  it’s like warming up your car engine before a nice drive so you’re warming up

-cuz I’m waiting for you?

-yeah just waiting

-you know how long I was waiting?

-Ah not that long

-a long long time

-because I think...oh long you’ve been waiting...

-you’ve been waiting a long long time

-I’ve been waiting a long long time man

-You heard in folks

-he’s been waiting a long long time

-I’ve been waiting a long long time, I said no sir, I won’t wait no more…♬  that was a song I made about my experience waiting for a long long time in the immigration office

-so today you had to go to the immigration office

-I did

-and they made you wait a long time

-actually today was quite fast

-so why are you…

-but I still had to...

-why were you so late?

-well it was fast in the office but then because of my visa application, my visa renewal to stay in Japan I’m on a spouse visa which means because I’m married to a Japanese woman I can live here

but that has to be renewed

-so today you were updating or renewing your spousal visa

-that’s right and I said here she is, good enough?

-so you thought

-we’re holding hands, visa approved!! …No

-No you need to bring some documents

-yeah

-You didn’t check what you need to bring

-No I know what I need

-you just brought your wife and said here she is

-I’ve got her in this bag here

-Is this proof?

-here, one wife, as requested

I knew what I needed but I also had some questions about my permanent residency 

-okay

-yeah

-you kept me waiting because you were asking many questions

-yes

-about how to get a permanent residency

-right, and then we had to go and collect many documents for the application

-okay so today you applied for permanent residency

-no… today I asked some questions about permanent residency, and I got a form to apply for renewing my marriage or spouse visa

-so you didn’t have to wait for a long long time

-no

-you asked a couple of questions

-yeah

-you know what I think?

-what?

-Ben

-what is it?

-I think you are using the immigration office as an excuse

-no no no no no no

-You’re using

-Oh you how dare you

-tell me the truth

-were you playing on your guitar

-fiddling my fiddle

-yeah

-what’s the real reason

-I’m keeping you waiting and I know he’s waiting for me

-waiting for a long long time…♬

-tell me the truth!

-Ah well the immigration office was quite fast, but then we needed to pick up some documents from the police station, the post office, the convenience store… and then my wife…

-convenience store??

-official immigration business Abe

-you know what?  you wouldn’t know anything about

-I had to go through this process that’s why I do know about it

-you would know that you have to go to many different places, and do lots of different stupid things

-well not stupid you have to collect the necessary documents to show that you are in fact married and to show that you are not criminal or bad guy

-that’s right

-it’s just an annoying thing to do

-it’s super annoying

-I hate this kind of thing you know doing documents and forms

-Documents!

-Damn you documents!

-bureaucracy

-yes

-yes

-bureaucracy like going through the process applying

-the official systems

-filling out the forms

-departments… stamps

-it’s a headache

-it’s a real headache

-It is. It’s a headache

-It’s the pain in the ass

-okay, but still I feel like you are using the immigration office as an excuse

-well then I went home and I cooked a really nice pizza for lunch

-you did I knew it

-I did yeah

-I knew it

-Delicious

-Ah so here I am preparing a fruit platter for you

-Carefully cutting the grapefruit

-yeah because I was waiting so I thought oh when Ben gets here, wouldn’t it be nice to have some fresh fruit on the table

-I still don’t think I was that late

-Anyway the immigration office was nice and fast today

-yeah that’s right

-that’s a nice change

-It was not busy.  Usually it’s full of international people

-yeah you wrote that brilliant song

-thank you

-while you were waiting in the immigration office

-I did, I was whispering it into my phone and people were looking at me

-what is this weird guy doing…  

-He must be a DJ

-yeah

-it must be DJ Ben Key

-or maybe you you were whispering it into your phone and you thought oh I should do this in the bathroom

-Ah

-and you were sitting on a toilet and singing the song and that’s why you’re DJ Ben Key 

-yeah it’s like I’m talking to my own poop

-how long me have to wait now???  Come on get out of there!

-yeah usually it’s full of colorful characters

-immigration office

-yeah

-Nepalese goat people and

-goat?

-yeah and Jamaican reggae DJs and Indian spice lords and

-Spice lords?

-spice market operators, and Canadian

-they’re probably students and

-yeah probably boring jobs

-In my mind I imagine they have these exciting lives

-oh there is an Indian guy he must import and export exotic spices

-yeah spices from the east

-sassafras

-the west from Japan

-the west yes

-from the west

-you had a pleasant experience in the immigration office

-Yes I did

-I would say painless

-Painless

-yes

-that’s the most you can hope for when you are taking care of things like that

-taking care of business♬  every way♬ yeah exactly

-like getting your drivers license renewed, or your passport renewed

-Oh stop

-or your visa…  it’s always a real pain in the ass

-yep

-a pain in the butt hole

-If I remember correctly

-Yes

-you were rejected the last time you applied for your permanent residency

-it’s funny to you?

-anyway they rejected you

-they did yeah

-they stopped me becoming a permanent resident of Japan

-yeah they could smell that you’re an evil scorpion

-I guess so sometimes scorpions face discrimination as we’ve said before you gotta get back on the horse, 

-and try agin

-Friday! Let’s try again to become permanent resident

-yes you’ll become a permanent resident one day

-thank you I hope so

-then you don’t have to deal with visa renewals as often

-One day… I will never quit I will keep applying and applying until they say

we’ve had enough of this guy just give him a visa

-now Ben you’re a free bird

-I do flap my wings in the sky of freedom

-meaning you don’t have one company that you work for

-you do many kinds of work

-that’s true I have three or four different income sources

-yeah and I guess it’s tricky sometimes to take care of all the taxes

-yes

-because they are from many different companies and jobs

y-es it’s an extra form or two but basically you have your main income and your secondary income

-and then third

-the others are just little...

-is that where you got caught up in the application process?

-No I was rejected, they denied my original permanent residency application because I missed a pension payment

-one payment?

-one payment

-really

-yes

-no like one month, one month it was like 3800yen so about 38dollars

-How long ago?

-like a month before I applied

-Ah

-Anyway they realized and they denied me

-You must have been kicking yourself

-I was I couldn’t believe it.  All the hard work…  I waited

-a long application process?

-a long application like 7months

-All the documents

-I was confident we had all the documents

-you got your babies

-I have a family I pay my taxes, I’ve never committed a crime

-never committed a crime but you missed one pension payment

-yeah, I’ve missed one payment for my own retirement

-when you make a small mistake it really costs you

-yes came back to bite me

-kick yourself don’t you?

-kick myself yeah I’m angry with myself

-yeah

-for being such a doofus

-a doofus

-a dumb dumb

-a dumb dumb, a dunce

-being such a ding dong

-oh scorpion you just…  I was stinging myself

-you deserve it

-I deserve it

-yeah every sting

-oh no

-right

-now you’re you’ve gotten back on a horse

-yeah and I’m riding down the old bumpy road again and I got the visa in my sights it’s my goal.  I never lose sight

-so when can you apply for the visa again?

-I have to wait 2 years from the date when I missed the payment

-which is next April

-Oh wow

-I can reapply

-so if I’m really really really really lucky I can have the visa by the end of next year

-oh that’s quite a long time to wait

-yeah or I see it as not that long to wait

-well

-could be worse

-you just have to renew your spouse visa one more time

-that’s right see?

-positive thinking

-positive thinking

-positive mental attitude

-PMA

-PMA

-P to the M to the mother fuckin’ A

-I’ve never heard of that is that a real expression or did you just make that up

-I can’t remember if I heard it somewhere or if it just came to me in a dream or but it’s just in my head PMA

-Are you sure you’re not mixing it up with PMS?

-yeah well see it’s kind of the opposite of PMS, cuz when you have post menstrual syndrome

-I think it’s premenstrual syndrome… 

-syndrome?

-Does that happen with your wife?

-so PMS or premenstrual syndrome it’s kind of an old thing… these days people don’t really believe it’s true

-right

-before a woman goes on her period she can be very emotional and irritable

-cuz there’s lots of chemicals and hormones flying around her body

-do you think it’s true with your wife, does she get PMS?

-no

-not really she’s always a bitch…  but…

-no she’s not

-no she’s not

-she’s so sweet

-Ah she’s... well… it’s hard to tell to be honest.

-yeah me too

-I don’t know

-men also have mood swings… you know?

-I guess this idea of PMS was kind of invented by men… to explain like…  she’s just got PMS!

-yeah but I’ve heard women say that to me where they actually admit, or they explain that they’re feeling bit moody because of their period

-right moody like their moods change quickly

-yeah that’s right

-I’ve talked to girls that have said that too they said yeah it’s true before my period I get a little bit moody

-yes straight from the horses mouth… straight from the person themselves, from women themselves…  not to call all women horses

-okay definitely don’t do that

-right we love women on this podcast… settle down baby… got a period again Friday

-as you said straight from the horses mouth

-yes

-that means to hear something first hand

-that’s right yeah

-to hear something directly from the person

-yes that’s right

-straight from the horses mouth

-straight from the horses mouth… so like my friend tells me oh have you heard? Abe’s gay! and I’m like no… that’s not true!  Twinkle? twink? that’s... no, I mean that’s fine if it’s true and then I ask you and then you say yep it’s truuuueee

-so okay if you hear it from someone’s friend or not the person then it’s called second hand information

-that’s right yes

-right like rumors from some other people … not from the horses mouth

-that’s right yes

-if you hear something from the horses mouth it means it’s true and directly from the person

-that’s right

-If I say “Ben I can’t take it anymore!” …I’m gay!

-right and I say okay

-I need ding dongs in my life … I need boys boys boys playing with my toys making lots of noise boys boys boys … It’s raining men hallelujah it’s raining men

-Ouch these men falling!  …actually that would be very dangerous if it suddenly rained men

-If I said that that would be straight from the horses mouth

-yes correct

-but you don’t believe these crazy rumors you hear

-right

-second hand information

-second hand information shouldn’t be trusted because that’s gossip 

-right

-yes

-anyway as you said some women have told you that they get PMS … and that’s straight from the horses mouth

-yes straight from…

-a real woman

-a real woman’s mouth

-gotcha

-but you don’t get PMS you get

-PMA

-Posital...  Positive Mental Attitude

-PMA!

-Alright

-hey you look sad Abe

-Don’t let things get you down

-that’s right

-keep PMA

-yeah

-well when bad things happen I just say that’s in the past can’t change it PMA … look to the future

-that a great way to live your life Ben

-can’t change it, it happened, it’s done

-don’t kick yourself too much

-right?  no kicking yourself

-pension payment damn it!

-I’m a failure

-damn it no no get back on your horse

-get back on it again god I’ve fallen off the horse so many times

-keep your PMA and get that permanent residency

-yes that’s right right

-that’s all for today 

-okay

-lady Ben

-thank you

-I shall take my leave Friday!

-off you go

-Hold still old boy

-by the way

-yes

-we need to set up some social media accounts

-ah yes

-some facebook instagram twitter

-let’s do that

-listeners get ready because it’s going to be a social media paradise and we’re gonna upload all kinds of funny interesting things (conditions apply, may not happen)

-yeah okay check for teacher talk on facebook twitter and instagram 

-ah instagram yeah coming to you live on the gram!

-right is that a nickname for instagram

-I’m getting old Abe I think that what the kids call instagram

-the gram

-the gram

-okay

-yeah

-alright you’re cool

-I know I’m hip

-You’re cool dad

-I’m not that old

-you’re cool dad

-yeah I’m one of those cool dads

-get out of here Friday  Hyaa!!