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11. Cats and Dogs 

(Transcript by Alissa)

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11. Cats and Dogs 

 

(intro)

 

-He humps your baby?

-He does he gets behind him and gets on top and goes…. 

-Really?  …No he doesn’t

-he does!

 

(music)

 

-I’m happy to be here in your house

-with my dog?

-I’m always really happy to see your dog

-thank you

-yeah and you

-and me?

-kinda

-right my dog first

-I love your dog

-we all do

-yeah

-he’s such a happy fun dog

-he is he has such a good character

-yeah he has a great personality

-very nice he’s just all love all the time

-he just wants to play and lick and sniff and

-and hump…  have sex with anything he can grab…  including your leg

-I think he tried to hump my leg once

-yeah

-but I looked at him in the eyes and I said do you think you can handle me? -and he backed off

-he slowly backed away

-he saw you were the alpha dog or you’re not his type

-well

-you’re not sexy enough for him

-oh come on

-your legs aren’t hairy enough

-ah really??

-or maybe too hairy…  cuz actually he prefers a hairless partner 

-does he?

-yeah

-who does your dog try to hump the most? 

-can you guess?

-you

-no

-you’ve probably trained him

-he’s bored with me

-come on boy give it to me right here

-he’s sick of me

-do you wanna hump my leg? come on

-I pick him up put him on my leg

-come on lets do it

-he’s like alright

-no who does he try to hump the most in your family

-who is the most vulnerable the most innocent

-no, really?

-the most defenseless

-your baby?

-yes my baby

-he humps your baby?

-he does he gets behind him and gets on top and goes

-oh really?  …no he doesn’t

-he does!

-but obviously if I see that happening I say stop! get off that baby!

and recently my baby is becoming stronger everyday, and he doesn’t take shit anymore

-so he won’t let your dog hump him anymore you mean he can fight back against your dog

-yes that’s right one day Nima was getting ready to mount him

-His hips are starting move…

-and Sena my baby grabbed his neck and he looked in his eyes and he said it ends today

-no more humping

-and my little baby boy became a man

-that’s very nice

-yes

-but I little bit feel sorry for your dog

-oh why?

-because that probably happened to him with your older child

-yeah that’s right

-now he doesn’t have anyone to hump

-well yes it’s kind of sad and I think about that too

-like a lot of pets they don’t have a chance to have sex

-right

-yeah that’s why they’re humping everything

-that’s right yeah

-in the wild in the forest if he was free he’d have a beautiful relationship with another dog or a fox or some…  maybe a wolf

-okay

-or a little bear

-it’s sad

-it is sad

-that pets don’t have a chance to have partners

-yes that’s right

-maybe that’s why they're always trying to hump everything

-yes true so I let him

-hump your baby?

-well the baby won’t remember anyway come on let’s be honest

or maybe he’ll grow up as a cat person

-yeah

-yes doesn’t like dogs prefers cats… cuz cats don’t really hump like dogs

cats mating rituals, like reproducing, making babies, mating rituals are more complicated

-ah like they have to go on a cat date first or do a little dance

-I think they’re more based on their pheromones

-yeah and it seems to be a certain time of year or time of month   … when they are “in heat”

-yeah and cats are … more able to defend themselves

-yeah

-they have sharp crows

-sometimes I can hear cats having sex around my house…  not in my house

-what do you mean?

-no like outside in the neighbors house…  because they go like this…

-stop stop stop how do you know they’re having sex?

-because they go like … and that’s when you know she’s ready to mate she goes … they do a weird

-how do you know?

-well what else and then…

-it’s just your imagination

-this happens and then a male a tom cat comes, a male cat, and she goes … and he goes … and then they go … maybe just fighting

-yeah

-I don’t know

-I think that’s just cats fighting

-ah okay

-have you ever had a pet cat?

-I have yeah I had a beautiful pet cat two actually

-the first one was called Mustache

-Mustache?

-yeah

-I don’t know why I think my parents named it I was very young

-Mustache

-yes

-oh okay

-and my dad ran over mustache

-oh no

-in his truck

-oh no

-and killed Mustache

-poor mustache

-yeah he didn’t do it on purpose it was an accident

-I hope so good

-yeah and then my second cat was called midnight because she was pure black

-oh great

-but I called her something else

-you did?

-which is kind of embarrassing

-what did you call her?

-I called her

-black bitch?

-no that would be very inappropriate I called her darl to love

-doll to love

-darl like darling, but shortened to darl

-darling darl

-darl to love

-why?

-I don’t know I was a strange kid

-you just made up this name?

-yeah

-it’s more of a sentence than a name yeah it became darl to love

-for you or for everyone?

-ah mainly for me

-I remember my mum was like what the fuck? 

-is that an Australian thing to say darl

-no

-instead of darling

-darl a little bit it’s kind of an old lady term, come here darl have a cup of tea darl

-are you sure they’re not saying doll

-ah yes

-cuz I’ve heard people saying darl

-she’s a quite a darl!

-yeah I’ve never heard someone say darl

-well

-short for darling

-I guess you’ve never had a cup of tea in a nice old lady’s house in Australia

-okay

-yeah

-so it’s a word used by old Australian grandmas

-yes

-and you when you are child for your cat

-yes and that’s all

-darl to love

-darl to love

-hey darl to love and she comes she had a great relationship with my dog at the time I had a Dalmatian and they were best friends

-they got along well

-really well never any problems.  yeah it was beautiful

-do you wanna know my cats names?

-you had more than one?

-many

-I know you had a cat

-you know my parents were animal doctors

-I know so I imagine your house was always filled with animals

-yeah

-yes

-at least we always had at least four or five pets

-so some of them you were caring for like for other people

-no once we adopted them we kept them

-you kept them

-yeah

-wow

-dogs and cats any other kind of animals?

-yeah I had a rat

-a rat?

-her name was Sarah

-did you find her like on the street or something?

-I don’t remember why or how I got it

-hey dad meet Sarah…  put that thing down!

-yeah

-wash your hands

-it was a rat not a mouse not a hamster but a rat

-okay

-long rat tail

-yeah they’re kind of cool pets they’re quite smart rats

-yeah and she was a kind of a white-colored rat not a grey classic you know a New York city 

-they always look wet

-right no she was kind of cute

-okay did she have a little pink nose?

-yeah I had other kinds of pets as well

-can I guess your cat’s name?

-you can try but probably not

-alright give me three guesses

-okay

-Peter

-no

-Peter the cat

-this is stupid you’re never gonna guess it

-what was the name of your first cat come on

-Gibble

-Gibble! that’s…  firstly that’s not a name

-yes it is

-no it’s not

-it was my cat’s name

-okay

-because it was from Saskatchewan

-right

-where it gets very cold in the winter

-yeah the Northern place is that right?

-yeah the Prairies

-the Prairie land

-it gets minus 40 or minus 50

-that is deadly

-yes

-so the street cats the stray cats, cats that don’t have a home

-often their ears kind of freeze off

-oh no they get frost bite

-yes so he used to be a street cat, stray, and my dad found him and adopted him

-that’s nice

-yeah his ears were all gibbled

-ah I’ve never heard that word to describe something that’s kind of damaged or rough 

-really? It’s all gibbled, gibbled up

-look at these cats all gibbled up

-yeah

-his ears were all gibbled so his name was Gibble

-it’s kind of a cute name, now I’m thinking about let if I say it gibble

-and he’s got these

-I like it

-damaged ears

-yes

-yeah

-and he was a nice fella? nice guy?

-sometimes

-was he because of his street history was he a bit rough a little bit

-He used to fight dogs a lot

-wow

-he was a huge cat

-really?

-yeah

-the cats in Saskatchewan are fucking huge

-right they’re like tigers

-big thick cats

-yeah they have to survive it’s a tough tough life

-Gibble was a great cat but he was a little bit unpredictable sometimes

-right

-I bet he liked to gobble up his food though

-he did when a cat is rescued when they’re used to living on the streets

they’d eat all the food as much as you give them very quickly

-it must be like paradise coming into a loving family home where they’re warm and they get patted, stroked, food, beautiful.

-but they can still be unpredictable

-yeah it’s like

-suddenly he’ll just like scratch you  gyaa!  Ah, fuck Gobble!

-I love you Gibble

-sometimes sometimes

-right

-my second cat’s name was 

-gabble google!

-starts with an R

-Rabble

-kind of close

-oh really

-her name was Rowdy

-oh rowdy I like that

-rowdy

-which means kind of loud and crazy and full of energy

-yeah and she was a bit of a bitch

-was she?

-yeah but she was my favorite

-did she share the house with Gibble? or did he die before

-of course

-no we had them at the same time

-okay

-we got rowdy when I was born

-right

-and she lived for almost 20 years

-wow that’s a long time and so Gibble was the new comer to the house

-no GIbble was before I was born…  but he also lived for about 20 years

-I see I see wow well your parents were Vets

-animal doctors so

-yes

-our cats

-we’re loosing Gibble!

-yeah probably that’s the reason why our cats lived a long time because 

-my parents knew exactly how to keep them healthy

-yeah it’s cool it’s interesting having two parents as Veterinarians Vets

-yeah

-pretty gross conversations around the dinner table

-really?

-yeah cuz you’d be eating dinner and then my mum would say

-there was this protruding suck of fluid so I sliced it open and a bunch of worms came crawling out

-pass the spaghetti darling

-so I had to stitch it up and there was blood everywhere and

-yuck

-oh pass the mashed potatoes

-you gonna use that ketchup? I can imagine it’s not the best dinner conversation

-no

-talking about animals surgery… well my dog Nima when he was about 8 weeks old maybe more one day he started pooping and out of his little pink bum hole came maybe twenty or thirty wiggly white worms

-oh gross

-yes and they were long and big and it was crazy

-that’s not good

-not good

-were they tape worms?

-well I don’t know I can’t remember we did take him to the vet to show him…  I saved one I ate the rest

-gross

-it was disgusting and that was actually when he was old enough to start having worm medicine so he was very very small we gave him his first worming tablets, and it forced all the worms out of his body

-oh

-yeah they were escaping

-oh okay

-the poison

-so it was the result of taking medicine

-yes

-to get rid of the worms

-that’s right

-and you were surprised how many worms came out

-it was shocking yeah I’ve never seen anything like it

-wow

-yeah

-that’s scary

-it is scary.  I would look at them and I thought wow how could he survive?

it makes me wonder how many worms are inside me right now

-hopefully not many

-not many right

-alright benny boy

-okay

-let’s wrap it up

-well RIP Gibble and Darl to love

-Darl to love

-all the cats we lost along the way

-Ah yes I miss having a pet I really envy that you have such a wonderful dog

-well anytime you wanna come and play or get sexually assulted come over and play with him.  he loves you

-by “anytime” do you mean Sunday night and Monday morning while you happen to be out of town?

-hey that’s a great idea could you come

-yes

-walk him feed my dog while I’m going on holiday?

-yes I will with pleasure

-thank you thank you

-alright come and say hello we now have twitter and instagram

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