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​transcripts

4. Christmas in the summer

(Transcript by Alissa)

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4. Christmas in the summer 

 

(intro)

 

-At that moment I was 100% sure that Santa Clause wasn’t real… 

-No present for you Abe

 

(music)

 

-Alright we’re back

-yeah we’re back

-It has been about one week

-Yeah right about one week

-since we saw each other

-Yeah too long… but time makes the heart grow fonder

-Time makes the heart grow fonder

-or distance, but we had both

-Distance… which is the original expression?

-I’m pretty sure it’s distance

-Distance makes the heart grow founder

-Yeah if you can’t see someone, you miss them more and more and your love grows

-So it’s a good idea to have some distance every now and then..  That’s the idea

-That’s the idea I think yeah…  Of course sometimes distance makes the heart grow colder coz sometimes you just forget about the person

-That’s not an expression though

-No it’s not

-That’s just your opinion

-Well it happens sometimes

-Well do you think that the expression is true?

-Ah yes I’ve experienced it myself

-Where you spend time away or you go far away from your wife? 

-Yeah I spent many months away from my wife at the beginning of our relationship I went back to Australia and she stayed in Japan and then she eventually came to Australia

-and did the heart grow fonder?

-Oh I missed her terribly

-Did you?

-I couldn’t sleep tossing and turning in my bed fever dreams of my wife... holding her bod

-fever dreams?

-and then finally she arrived

-Oh okay

-Yeah

-So distance made the heart grow founder

-Right because if you can’t see the person all you have are memories and in your mind those memories become perfect

-How about now?  Do you sometimes wish she would go far away?

-Yeah now

-for a little while

-I have fever dreams of distance.  That’s what I want.  No we are…  we’re pretty good

-Yeah I believe in this expression

-You do?

-yeah because when I worked for a company

-you know before I often would go out of town

-Right

-on business trips

-yeah

-and it was nice to get away from Mrs Lawson, my wife 

-Yeah

-for a little while

-Sure

-and leave her in the arms of your friends

-Leave her… no!

-No?

-No she stays here at home

-Oh she stays she stays at home right

-Doesn’t she?

-Of course yeah

-I hope so

-I’ll say yes

-Anyway ah recently after many months of not going away 

-Right

-Staying home mostly and woking at home finally I went away for a business trip for about one week 

-One week? okay

-Yeah

-and how did you feel?

-Well I feel like before I left

-you know there was a little bit of tension between us

-Okay like she was not happy that you were going?

-no

-no?

-no it was more just because there is the whole Corona thing and quarantine 

-Old rona

-Staying at home a lot

-Right

-and then also

-yes so she thought maybe it could be a risky move

-There was tension because maybe we spent so much time together

-Ah yeah getting on each others nerves

-yeah maybe we got on each other’s nerves a little bit

-grinding on each other in the wrong way

-I just felt that after I came back I went away and then I came back I felt like things were better

-New relationship new marriage a fresh start

-A little bit

-yeah?

-Yeah I felt like some time and distance made the heart grow fonder

-Oh nice and when you came home and opened your door and put your bags on the floor she jumped into your arms…

-Actually kinda yeah

-Oh really?

-well yeah

-Wow that’s nice

-but it was straight to the shower

-Ah okay that’s how you guys do it

-Well sometimes

-I have trouble standing up for long periods of time

-Oh that’s okay because you don’t need long periods of time

-Oh it’s true it’s true

-Old scorpion’s tail

-well

-Squirts out the poison pretty quickly

-good to see you again

-Yes It’s nice to see you again Ben

-Well no it’s really good to see you again and this time

-What do you have waiting for me?

-Well scorp, I have a few things

-Stop did you call me scorp?

-Yeah scorp

-I forgot my introduction but “Hi guys I’m scorpion.”

-No you’re Ben

-I changed my ways… well my name’s Ben but my nickname is really cool coz it’s scorpion which is as everyone knows the coolest animal

-Hey you should say thank you because I gave you that nickname

-That’s right yeah

-you remember

-but as we know a scorpion never says thank you

-Okay scorp

-Your nickname is twinkle

-Twinkle star

-Twinkle star

-Anyway scorp! hey scorp just...

-or twinkle twinkle little star

-Relax okay?

-so you’ve abbreviated my name, you’ve shortened my name

-Yeah I shortened it a little bit because scorpion is so long

-well...

-and it sounds a little bit too cool for you

-Okay well

-I was gonna say

-yes

-Scorp

-If you call me scorp

-then I get to shorten your name…  so it becomes twink

-yeah that’s no I think it should be twinkle

-no I’m pretty sure it would be twink

-Why don’t we just stay for me twinkle star

-yeah

-or star!

-or twink star!

-I don’t like...okay I tell you what

 I can see you acting in twink movies

-Let’s go back

-Okay

-and use our full nicknames

-Back in the Time Machine

-yeah

-What, you don’t like twink?

-Well I didn’t think about… about this

-Twink

-You fell for my trap my perfect scorpion trap.  Welcome to scorpions layer twink!  Prepare to die

-Oh Ben can you explain what a twink is if you are going to continue to say it

-Well from what I understand in the gay community or LGBTQ community it means a gay man who is a efeminit and boyish and innocent and hairless …Maybe

-A very small and girly gay guy

-yeah and fast quick on his feet

-they’re not slow

-not slow no

-he’ll whip around

-a good dancer

-he’ll get around behind you

-and that’s as far as I know

-Right

-So it’s almost a more perfect nickname for you

-I’m not small

-No and I don’t think you are gay either, but if you were you probably be in the twink category and I would be a bear

-Okay so yes are we gonna be talking about gay terms

-Right gay slung

-so a bear is a big hairy gay man

-Right

-and a twink is a small kind of girly cute little gay man

-Right and maybe that could be somebody’s idea of a nice couple

-Little twink and a big bear

-yeah a dominant kind of bear… good relationship

-yeah okay anyway, I tell you what let’s make a deal

-Okay

-I’ll go back to calling you scorpion

-My tail has returned now I’m back to full power

-and you can go back to calling me twinkle star

-Yeah really? It’s not twink

-No thanks

-Okay twinkle star

-twinkle…  and I want you to make the star more like more emphasis on the word star… 

-TWINKLE star

-No no like twinkle STAR

-Okay but every time you say scorpion you have to make a whip noise… Can you try it for me?

-Scorpion!

-Yeah perfect

-Okay

-Ooooh scorpion’s getting excited

-I’ll just call you Ben

-my tail is standing up

-You’re pushing your luck

-You can’t see it but listeners, my tail is standing and whipping around with happiness 

-It’s kinda scary

-yeah it’s kinda sexy

-Put your tail away please

-Okay curl it up

-yes the twinks might get excited

-Right yeah.  Settle down twinks this tail is not for you

-Okay okay.  Last time we talked about easter

-Yes

-Easter egg hunts

-and we found that it was very similar in Australia and Canada

-yeah except in Australia the easter rabbit shits the eggs from his butt hole

-okay okay I’m not sure if it’s really true.  I think many Australian people will probably say that’s not true

-Ask them!  so we covered easter

-yeah we talked about easter

-We heard about your battles with your brothers

-It was pretty fun it wasn’t really a battle

-No a battle in good fun

-yeah it was a bit of a competition to see who can find the most eggs, but all in fun we were all happy

-Right

-Anyway I wanted to ask you about Christmas because perhaps it’s the same Christmas is the biggest holiday of the year

-Yes

-Same as Canada I assume

-Absolutely.  Christmas is number one

Right

-Christmas is king

-The king of holidays

-but the thing that very strange for a North American is our Christmas is very much a winter holiday

-Yes

-All the images and everything Santa Clause and reindeer and snow and Christmas Carrols and...

Everything is about winter and gathering around the fire and…

-Right stockings I mean

-and the food everything everything is winter

-Reindeer… do you have the reindeer in Canada?

-Not really

-No?

-no I think they are more like 

-Caliboo

-kinda Russia in Finland

-Ah okay

-We have very similar to reindeer

-Alright Canada and Russia are connected by a land mass aren’t they?

-No

-No?

-No they’re not

-Same thing Canada Russia

-But almost because it’s up there in the North and it’s almost all ice

-Right yeah I thought maybe in the past you could walk from Russia to Canada

if you had a good jacket

-If you have a nice warm coat

-yes and a good thermos of tea

-I’m gonna walk to Russia

-See you tomorrow I’m off to Russia.  Just gonna pop over to Russia

-It would be very difficult

and the Russians would say see you guys tomorrow I’m going to Canada

-but in Australia the Christmas is in like the peak of summer

 -Oh yes super hot in Melbourne very dry heat like minimum 30degrees people wearing shorts and sandals

-so

-beach time, beers in the sun

-so do you have the same, like is Christmas is a lot different? I mean…

-Well there are some major differences.  Number 1 is no snow

-yeah

-Right. Number 2 in my family we call Santa “Father Christmas” 

-Father Christmas so you don’t say Santa Clause

-We never said Santa Clause

-I mean maybe in school or in some songs we heard the name 

-I think that’s a North American thing

-Is that right?

-Santa Clause

-Yeah I think so so we always said Father Christmas

-Okay

-or FC….  gonna drop some presents on you

-You say FC?

-No

-Stop doing that… Just confusing for no reason

-I say FC

-Father Christmas

-Father Christmas yeah

-and like how about Christmas Carols?

-the songs, yeah no well I hate Christmas Carols, so I never joined the Christmas Carol kind of tradition, but it’s not really a thing people don’t move around the street,  Standing outside your house and annoying you

-They don’t do that in Canada it’s very uncommon

-Right

-I’m sure some neighborhoods the kids do it

-Okay

-but I’ve never had that happen to my house…  what Ben’s talking about is Christmas Caroling

-Caroling yeah it’s a verb isn’t it?

-Yep

-where a group of people are will kind of go door to door and sing songs ring the door bells like halloween

-yeah and you open the door

-and they start singing “Jingle bell Jingle bell” like

(singing)

-I think it’s maybe more of a British thing

-maybe yeah I don’t know

-It’s one of those things that you see in movies

-yeah

-It’s a kind of you know Hollywood or… movie idea of Christmas

-Right I don’t, I’ve never seen it happen in my neighborhood in Canada

Thank God it sounds it looks terrible

-Anyway how about the songs? Cuz the song are all about snowing and…

-well this is the strange thing for me because when I was young growing up all the books about Christmas had snow and frosty the snow man

-Right

-and snow themed snow flakes Christmas trees covered in snow reading a book with my grandma

-You Australians were like crickey what the hell is all these snow mate

-yeah well kind of and then we open the door and step outside and we’re like, Fuck it’s hot!

-yeah

-Close the fuckin’ door!

-put the air-conditioning on

-put the air-con on fans on

-Do you have any original Christmas songs that are about “hot day at the beach and it’s bloody Christmas…

-Well there maybe

-Kangaroos are all hopping

-A Christmas kangaroo

-Koalas in the trees

-Father Christmas drinking on the beach with me and… my… friends

-Not really I think there was one about a surfing Santa

-A-ha

-Maybe

-so instead of Santa coming on a coming in a sled

-right

-on snow

-Santa flies on a magic surf board!

-No he comes on a normal surf board to the beach and then I guess he just walks around the country

-Is that what you tell the kids?

-No that was some song about a surfing Santa with that Australian feel I think 

-Oh it’s just a song

-Yeah it’s just a song, but the idea is the same that he comes and he visits every house in the land -and he travels on a sled

-on his sleigh we say sleighs you say sled?

-sleigh okay

-and does he wear winter cloths?

-winter cloths looks the same rudolph is there his red nose reindeer and he comes down the chimney

-so everything is the same you believe Santa Clause lands on the roof

-yeah

-with his snow sleigh

-Yes

-comes down the chimney

-destroys the tiles in Australia 

-cuz there is no snow

-no snow, 

-no smooth landing.  Yes comes down…

-so everything is the same

-Everything’s the same

-and you just kind of ignore the fact that he’s dressed in winter clothes

-Yeah we’re just, you know unlucky not to have snow because me anyway, I love snow love it.  when I came to Canada that was my first white Christmas.  Yeah it was beautiful.  My childhood dreams

-What age were you when you stopped believing in Santa Clause

-I don’t know probably around 7 or 8

-Did you catch your parents?

-No l lied and I said I did

-Okay

-and they were like “Oh Damn you” and then I realized oh okay

-Oh so you tricked them

-yeah

-you tricked them into telling you the truth

-yeah

-Fair enough

-I was like… I lied, I said I hid behind the couch and I watched you

-Right

-cuz I had suspicions

-Ah

-I was suspicious that maybe Santa Clause wasn’t real

-be all dressed in black hiding in the corner

-No I lied I didn’t do it

-Right

-I just said that I did it

-and you…

-and my mom said “Ah you little bustard”

-You got me!

-Yeah

-and at that moment I was 100% sure that Santa Clause wasn’t real

-No presents for you Abe

-You doubting boy

-No

-she was like oh well

-Go to your room!!

-She didn’t care that much

-Slap!

-She was like, “Well, you were going to figure it out pretty soon anyway”

-You got me! …so in your house you would…  what do you do for Christmas Eve?

-Christmas Eve… it’s just a quiet night with close family

-Right yeah same in Australia

-then Christmas morning is mayhem

-you wake up

-get the presents!….

-and you would so you wake up first thing in the morning, run to the tree open your presents, plug in your Nintendo, ride your new bike…

-yeah yeah exactly.  Is that the same in Australia?

-Sure the same

-What kind of tree do you have?

-Ah

-I Imagine some kind of cactus

-Just a burnt dead tree

-Cactus

-from a bush fire, 

-full of needles

-yes my presents Ouch!

-the Christmas Cactus

-My dad’s laughing

-“Crickey the cactus got me again mate!”

-No actually it’s interesting you ask that because I remember they would sell trees by the side of the road.  you know and people would try to make some money, and we always liked to have a real tree because the smell, and instead of a plastic tree, it’s just nice to have the real thing

-oh yeah having a real tree is so much nicer

-but my father was very cheap so he would take me near the train line early in the morning or late at night

-Is this in the city?

-yeah pretty urban so close to the city

-and there was some pine trees next to the train line in a park

-Did you just cut one?

-and my dad would carry his saw and we go down and saw…  Timber!!  quite a big tree 

-oh wow

-yeah a big old…

-Did you do it in the middle of the night?

-yeah late at night or really early in the morning

-when it’s dark

-Right and we put it on his ute, his truck, and bring it home and drag it through the house with needles, spiders, insects covered in…  there would be shit everywhere.  and put it up, I remember once it was so big it didn’t fit in the room the top was bent against the ceiling

-did you cut the top off

-No my dad just jammed it in the corner so the tree was bent on the roof

-wow

-and it smelled… it smelled like Christmas

-Ah yes  I did that once with my friend

-Yeah

-coz in Canada especially you have pine, a plenty

-yeah we have the right kind of trees

-Right

-Yeah I remember one time the Christmas tree lot…

-okay

-where they sell Christmas trees was completely sold out

-Right

-and it was like 2 days before Christmas

-You have to have a tree

-yeah so me and my friend took my mum’s SUV

-okay

-yeah and we just went down to a park

-Did you drive the car into a tree?  Smash it down

-It was pretty bad I’m not proud of it

-No

-you know we were young and…. my mother was actually happy that we were successful 

-Don’t ask questions mum

-yeah

-Don’t ask don’t tell

-we got a tree

-we got a tree

-we did it

-We did it

-Christmas is happening!

-It’sthe middle of summer

-right

-feels like Christmas to me

-This would be an Australian Christmas

-This is the Christmas feel yeah

-Alright

-the peak of summer

-Let me ask you best present

-I don’t know that I ever got for Christmas?

-yeah

-Super nintendo

-yeah me too

-yeah I remember getting super nintendo I was so fuckin’ psyched

-Nintendo!!! YEAH!

-it’s over

-I remember seeing the new mario the graphics were so much better

-yeah

-than old nintendo

-it’s amazing

-blown away.  twinkle star had a supernova!

-twinkle star…  twink

-leave a 5 twinkle star review on Apple podcast

-yeah 5 little Christmas trees with a star on top

-5 twinkling stars

-and if you see a scorpion in the wild 

-run away! They’re evil

yeah run away leave him alone!  He’s just trying to survive…

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