transcripts
8. Immigration Office
(Transcript by Alissa)
8. Immigration Office
(intro)
-If I remember correctly
-yes?
-you were rejected the last time you applied for your permanent residency…
-It’s funny to you?
(music)
-Hello Ben
-Hello Abe
-I’ve been waiting for you
-I know
-I like to keep you waiting
-why?
-because it makes my arrival
-makes the heart grow fonder?
-it makes the heart grow fonder, yeah
-Please don’t
-it’s like foreplay just waiting for me enter
-okay so foreplay is something that you do with your lover
-right
-not with me
-not with you no
-so it’s not like foreplay
-well that’s why I said it’s “like” foreplay, it’s not actual foreplay
-it’s not like foreplay
-it’s kind of similar
-because we’re not… foreplay is like the playing that you do before you…
-have sex yeah right so
-why is it like foreplay?
-This is like conversation sex cuz it feels good
-no gross!!
-feels good
-stop it!
-it’s two people connecting
-no Ben
-not physically but… emotional level
-it’s not like foreplay
-right okay
-when you keep me waiting
-it’s like…
-If it is like foreplay it’s terrible foreplay
-what’s terrible foreplay?
-foreplay that doesn’t make your partner excited or aroused… I would say is bad foreplay
-you know what? it’s like warming up your car engine before a nice drive so you’re warming up
-cuz I’m waiting for you?
-yeah just waiting
-you know how long I was waiting?
-Ah not that long
-a long long time
-because I think...oh long you’ve been waiting...
-you’ve been waiting a long long time
-I’ve been waiting a long long time man
-You heard in folks
-he’s been waiting a long long time
-I’ve been waiting a long long time, I said no sir, I won’t wait no more…♬ that was a song I made about my experience waiting for a long long time in the immigration office
-so today you had to go to the immigration office
-I did
-and they made you wait a long time
-actually today was quite fast
-so why are you…
-but I still had to...
-why were you so late?
-well it was fast in the office but then because of my visa application, my visa renewal to stay in Japan I’m on a spouse visa which means because I’m married to a Japanese woman I can live here
but that has to be renewed
-so today you were updating or renewing your spousal visa
-that’s right and I said here she is, good enough?
-so you thought
-we’re holding hands, visa approved!! …No
-No you need to bring some documents
-yeah
-You didn’t check what you need to bring
-No I know what I need
-you just brought your wife and said here she is
-I’ve got her in this bag here
-Is this proof?
-here, one wife, as requested
I knew what I needed but I also had some questions about my permanent residency
-okay
-yeah
-you kept me waiting because you were asking many questions
-yes
-about how to get a permanent residency
-right, and then we had to go and collect many documents for the application
-okay so today you applied for permanent residency
-no… today I asked some questions about permanent residency, and I got a form to apply for renewing my marriage or spouse visa
-so you didn’t have to wait for a long long time
-no
-you asked a couple of questions
-yeah
-you know what I think?
-what?
-Ben
-what is it?
-I think you are using the immigration office as an excuse
-no no no no no no
-You’re using
-Oh you how dare you
-tell me the truth
-were you playing on your guitar
-fiddling my fiddle
-yeah
-what’s the real reason
-I’m keeping you waiting and I know he’s waiting for me
-waiting for a long long time…♬
-tell me the truth!
-Ah well the immigration office was quite fast, but then we needed to pick up some documents from the police station, the post office, the convenience store… and then my wife…
-convenience store??
-official immigration business Abe
-you know what? you wouldn’t know anything about
-I had to go through this process that’s why I do know about it
-you would know that you have to go to many different places, and do lots of different stupid things
-well not stupid you have to collect the necessary documents to show that you are in fact married and to show that you are not criminal or bad guy
-that’s right
-it’s just an annoying thing to do
-it’s super annoying
-I hate this kind of thing you know doing documents and forms
-Documents!
-Damn you documents!
-bureaucracy
-yes
-yes
-bureaucracy like going through the process applying
-the official systems
-filling out the forms
-departments… stamps
-it’s a headache
-it’s a real headache
-It is. It’s a headache
-It’s the pain in the ass
-okay, but still I feel like you are using the immigration office as an excuse
-well then I went home and I cooked a really nice pizza for lunch
-you did I knew it
-I did yeah
-I knew it
-Delicious
-Ah so here I am preparing a fruit platter for you
-Carefully cutting the grapefruit
-yeah because I was waiting so I thought oh when Ben gets here, wouldn’t it be nice to have some fresh fruit on the table
-I still don’t think I was that late
-Anyway the immigration office was nice and fast today
-yeah that’s right
-that’s a nice change
-It was not busy. Usually it’s full of international people
-yeah you wrote that brilliant song
-thank you
-while you were waiting in the immigration office
-I did, I was whispering it into my phone and people were looking at me
-what is this weird guy doing…
-He must be a DJ
-yeah
-it must be DJ Ben Key
-or maybe you you were whispering it into your phone and you thought oh I should do this in the bathroom
-Ah
-and you were sitting on a toilet and singing the song and that’s why you’re DJ Ben Key
-yeah it’s like I’m talking to my own poop
-how long me have to wait now??? Come on get out of there!
-yeah usually it’s full of colorful characters
-immigration office
-yeah
-Nepalese goat people and
-goat?
-yeah and Jamaican reggae DJs and Indian spice lords and
-Spice lords?
-spice market operators, and Canadian
-they’re probably students and
-yeah probably boring jobs
-In my mind I imagine they have these exciting lives
-oh there is an Indian guy he must import and export exotic spices
-yeah spices from the east
-sassafras
-the west from Japan
-the west yes
-from the west
-you had a pleasant experience in the immigration office
-Yes I did
-I would say painless
-Painless
-yes
-that’s the most you can hope for when you are taking care of things like that
-taking care of business♬ every way♬ yeah exactly
-like getting your drivers license renewed, or your passport renewed
-Oh stop
-or your visa… it’s always a real pain in the ass
-yep
-a pain in the butt hole
-If I remember correctly
-Yes
-you were rejected the last time you applied for your permanent residency
-it’s funny to you?
-anyway they rejected you
-they did yeah
-they stopped me becoming a permanent resident of Japan
-yeah they could smell that you’re an evil scorpion
-I guess so sometimes scorpions face discrimination as we’ve said before you gotta get back on the horse,
-and try agin
-Friday! Let’s try again to become permanent resident
-yes you’ll become a permanent resident one day
-thank you I hope so
-then you don’t have to deal with visa renewals as often
-One day… I will never quit I will keep applying and applying until they say
we’ve had enough of this guy just give him a visa
-now Ben you’re a free bird
-I do flap my wings in the sky of freedom
-meaning you don’t have one company that you work for
-you do many kinds of work
-that’s true I have three or four different income sources
-yeah and I guess it’s tricky sometimes to take care of all the taxes
-yes
-because they are from many different companies and jobs
y-es it’s an extra form or two but basically you have your main income and your secondary income
-and then third
-the others are just little...
-is that where you got caught up in the application process?
-No I was rejected, they denied my original permanent residency application because I missed a pension payment
-one payment?
-one payment
-really
-yes
-no like one month, one month it was like 3800yen so about 38dollars
-How long ago?
-like a month before I applied
-Ah
-Anyway they realized and they denied me
-You must have been kicking yourself
-I was I couldn’t believe it. All the hard work… I waited
-a long application process?
-a long application like 7months
-All the documents
-I was confident we had all the documents
-you got your babies
-I have a family I pay my taxes, I’ve never committed a crime
-never committed a crime but you missed one pension payment
-yeah, I’ve missed one payment for my own retirement
-when you make a small mistake it really costs you
-yes came back to bite me
-kick yourself don’t you?
-kick myself yeah I’m angry with myself
-yeah
-for being such a doofus
-a doofus
-a dumb dumb
-a dumb dumb, a dunce
-being such a ding dong
-oh scorpion you just… I was stinging myself
-you deserve it
-I deserve it
-yeah every sting
-oh no
-right
-now you’re you’ve gotten back on a horse
-yeah and I’m riding down the old bumpy road again and I got the visa in my sights it’s my goal. I never lose sight
-so when can you apply for the visa again?
-I have to wait 2 years from the date when I missed the payment
-which is next April
-Oh wow
-I can reapply
-so if I’m really really really really lucky I can have the visa by the end of next year
-oh that’s quite a long time to wait
-yeah or I see it as not that long to wait
-well
-could be worse
-you just have to renew your spouse visa one more time
-that’s right see?
-positive thinking
-positive thinking
-positive mental attitude
-PMA
-PMA
-P to the M to the mother fuckin’ A
-I’ve never heard of that is that a real expression or did you just make that up
-I can’t remember if I heard it somewhere or if it just came to me in a dream or but it’s just in my head PMA
-Are you sure you’re not mixing it up with PMS?
-yeah well see it’s kind of the opposite of PMS, cuz when you have post menstrual syndrome
-I think it’s premenstrual syndrome…
-syndrome?
-Does that happen with your wife?
-so PMS or premenstrual syndrome it’s kind of an old thing… these days people don’t really believe it’s true
-right
-before a woman goes on her period she can be very emotional and irritable
-cuz there’s lots of chemicals and hormones flying around her body
-do you think it’s true with your wife, does she get PMS?
-no
-not really she’s always a bitch… but…
-no she’s not
-no she’s not
-she’s so sweet
-Ah she’s... well… it’s hard to tell to be honest.
-yeah me too
-I don’t know
-men also have mood swings… you know?
-I guess this idea of PMS was kind of invented by men… to explain like… she’s just got PMS!
-yeah but I’ve heard women say that to me where they actually admit, or they explain that they’re feeling bit moody because of their period
-right moody like their moods change quickly
-yeah that’s right
-I’ve talked to girls that have said that too they said yeah it’s true before my period I get a little bit moody
-yes straight from the horses mouth… straight from the person themselves, from women themselves… not to call all women horses
-okay definitely don’t do that
-right we love women on this podcast… settle down baby… got a period again Friday
-as you said straight from the horses mouth
-yes
-that means to hear something first hand
-that’s right yeah
-to hear something directly from the person
-yes that’s right
-straight from the horses mouth
-straight from the horses mouth… so like my friend tells me oh have you heard? Abe’s gay! and I’m like no… that’s not true! Twinkle? twink? that’s... no, I mean that’s fine if it’s true and then I ask you and then you say yep it’s truuuueee
-so okay if you hear it from someone’s friend or not the person then it’s called second hand information
-that’s right yes
-right like rumors from some other people … not from the horses mouth
-that’s right yes
-if you hear something from the horses mouth it means it’s true and directly from the person
-that’s right
-If I say “Ben I can’t take it anymore!” …I’m gay!
-right and I say okay
-I need ding dongs in my life … I need boys boys boys playing with my toys making lots of noise boys boys boys … It’s raining men hallelujah it’s raining men
-Ouch these men falling! …actually that would be very dangerous if it suddenly rained men
-If I said that that would be straight from the horses mouth
-yes correct
-but you don’t believe these crazy rumors you hear
-right
-second hand information
-second hand information shouldn’t be trusted because that’s gossip
-right
-yes
-anyway as you said some women have told you that they get PMS … and that’s straight from the horses mouth
-yes straight from…
-a real woman
-a real woman’s mouth
-gotcha
-but you don’t get PMS you get
-PMA
-Posital... Positive Mental Attitude
-PMA!
-Alright
-hey you look sad Abe
-Don’t let things get you down
-that’s right
-keep PMA
-yeah
-well when bad things happen I just say that’s in the past can’t change it PMA … look to the future
-that a great way to live your life Ben
-can’t change it, it happened, it’s done
-don’t kick yourself too much
-right? no kicking yourself
-pension payment damn it!
-I’m a failure
-damn it no no get back on your horse
-get back on it again god I’ve fallen off the horse so many times
-keep your PMA and get that permanent residency
-yes that’s right right
-that’s all for today
-okay
-lady Ben
-thank you
-I shall take my leave Friday!
-off you go
-Hold still old boy
-by the way
-yes
-we need to set up some social media accounts
-ah yes
-some facebook instagram twitter
-let’s do that
-listeners get ready because it’s going to be a social media paradise and we’re gonna upload all kinds of funny interesting things (conditions apply, may not happen)
-yeah okay check for teacher talk on facebook twitter and instagram
-ah instagram yeah coming to you live on the gram!
-right is that a nickname for instagram
-I’m getting old Abe I think that what the kids call instagram
-the gram
-the gram
-okay
-yeah
-alright you’re cool
-I know I’m hip
-You’re cool dad
-I’m not that old
-you’re cool dad
-yeah I’m one of those cool dads
-get out of here Friday Hyaa!!